i
should
probably
stop
listening
to
this
song
because
it’s
draining
whatever
energy
i
have
left
and
i
should
probably
quit
trying
to
drive
people
off
the
road
because
maybe
they
will
be
all
i
have
left
and
um
maybe
i
should
stop
thinking
about
you
before
my
head
explodes.

The cold weather
is too much for me already
and my bones are beginning
to feel like ice

this winter,
i might try to focus on something other than
how much my job sucks
and how i’m always tired
and how i feel fine but like crap at the same time
so i can repress my feelings
about whatever my life is comprised of
right now

maybe, when the snow comes,
i’ll go out and make snow angels
and watch the flurries
slowly turn everything into soft white clouds
(or maybe i’ll dream about it.)

i sit in my room
and i listen to music
and i write
and i think
about
all of these things i can’t change
like
like, you
and this doesn’t matter to you
but i give a shit
because
i
miss who i was
without you

i have this burning in my chest
that is caused by something
i’ve never known

you are like an alien to me.

i fear every day
that the way you walk, talk and see things
is so strange to me because
i will never understand why you love me
with so much passion
but i,
I cringe at the thought of you staying
and i bury myself every time i dream of you leaving.

the air here doesn’t cling
to every inch of my skin
when i’m alone

my skin has trapped in
different shades of the sun’s color
causing me to feel dreary
from within the parts of me
that have created
what you see
and on a daily basis i strive
to find a canvas big enough
to paint these wonderful colors on
but i’m worried that i won’t
based on all of my ideas
that seem impossible to feed

i put my pajamas on
to lay down
on a very uncomfortable couch
and dream things
i know i’ll never see
i try to sleep
but the place where my mind has leaped
doesn’t trust me

i’d call this deficiency

things i’m seeing
from a small view
feel so big
it’s just my eyes
they’re fixated
on the dust
the particles
that do nothing
but sift
maybe if i slowed down
i’d get a glimpse of it
i just want a taste of it

i
am
spinning
my
world
too
fast
and
it’s
making
me
woozy

i trace the shadows
that float across the grass
as they disappear and reappear
while the light above the barn
flickers through the window;
i am reminded that the pictures in the distance
appear to be more alive
than i could ever feel

(theres a monster living inside me
squeezing tears out of me
and controlling shit for me
just because it thinks that i don’t know
who i should be)

having to ask myself
if the existence of a feeling
so pure
is realistic or not
is not only a reflection of a lie
in my own eyes
but also detrimental
to the state of being
i constantly find myself
trying to wrap everything around